I Am Waking Now

I am waking now
to the chorus of your Song.
 
I am rising now…running
to sit in sweet darkness with You.
 
I am willing now
to stand in the fire of Your will…
perfectly…still.
 
I am plunging now
into the deep waters of regret
eager…praying…
to emerge naked…twirling…dancing
on the shores of Your grace…
 
Only one path before me now…
carved deep into the palm of my hand
by the clean blade of your word.
 
Gladly I bleed.
Gladly I die.
 
Stephanie Rutt, 2004

​2004 was a year of immense challenge for my family engulfing three generations in a way none of us could have ever foreseen. I wrote this poem after a profound healing session to return home to find two mourning doves trapped on my screen porch – clear symbols of my mother and grandmother already deceased.