I Used to Want a Ph.D.
I used to want a Ph.D.
but that was long before I caught
You, my Beloved,
smiling at me through those sparkled leaves…
waving at me from that bottomless sky…
Long before I heard Your call pulsating soft
against the light brown breasts of
those two morning doves
caught on my screen porch…
Before I was abruptly stopped by that glance…
from the homeless man on the corner –
the one with the sign…
holding me fast by my surprise love for him…
Until later I realized it was You…
And, yes, my Beloved
Even long before you spoke for me when I could not…
I used to want a Ph.D. so I would know.
Now my soul, not knowing and undone
soars in stillness
helplessly caught in Your wonder.
Rev. Stephanie Rutt, 2012
I used to want a Ph.D.
but that was long before I caught
You, my Beloved,
smiling at me through those sparkled leaves…
waving at me from that bottomless sky…
Long before I heard Your call pulsating soft
against the light brown breasts of
those two morning doves
caught on my screen porch…
Before I was abruptly stopped by that glance…
from the homeless man on the corner –
the one with the sign…
holding me fast by my surprise love for him…
Until later I realized it was You…
And, yes, my Beloved
Even long before you spoke for me when I could not…
I used to want a Ph.D. so I would know.
Now my soul, not knowing and undone
soars in stillness
helplessly caught in Your wonder.
Rev. Stephanie Rutt, 2012
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I read a part of this poem in the video clip, “The Gift from the Homeless Man.” Two years after writing it, I was clearly directed to return to school to earn my Doctor of Ministry degree. This was necessary as the Beloved knew there was a new paradigm, the Sonic Trilogy of Love, needing to be brought forth to become the theological foundation for the Tree of Life Ministries. Who knew? Certainly not I. This is why I often say, “Thank God I’m not in charge of my life!” Left to my own finite understandings, my life would be so much less than I could have ever imagined.
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